welcome to the third year of law school.

there's a classroom here, which i happen to be sitting in now (and have been for the past two and a half hours. oh, excuse me. two hours and twenty-five minutes. i have thirty minutes to go. see how good i am at math?), that has a tripod that lives in it. a tripod, you might think, is a pretty normal thing to have in a classroom. sure. what if somebody wants to tape something? well! they just put the camera on the tripod! no problems there. but you see, the tripod here in Room 152 is different. yes, in the grand tradition of the combined forces of 1) the university of akron 2) lawyers and law students collectively and 3) human beings, this tripod has two styrofoam plates taped to the top of it.

i mean, do what you want with your styrofoam plates. personally, i eat off of them at picnics. i am reminded of how they destroy the environment (i'm trying to think big like doug, thanks to jessm) while i conveniently and neatly dine on potato and pasta salads, hot dogs, veggie burgers, various kinds of chips and dip, baked beans and the occasisonal slice of watermelon. i have also been known to entertain small children and many dogs with them, taping two of them together in order to create a spaceship or ufo, depending on my mood and availability of tape, along with size of plate(s).

but taped to a tripod? in a classroom? was it a disgruntled attendee of one of our many Welcome to Akron LAW luncheons, pissed as all hell that there was nothing but limp green beans and burned potatoes left? as he raised the tripod, his military standard in his own personal war against the mediocrity of academic appreciation and/or orientation week, he taped the styrofoam plates--the very same ones he would've piled his thought-to-be-edible foodstuffs on, just moments before his heartbreak and resulting rage--to the top, as a warning to those who would thwart his swift and just revenge, as well as a beacon of hope for those who would still suffer under the ever-increasing weight of the Starchy Yoke. lo! beware the styropod! the triofoam! lo!

i also hear that there is something about this making the tripod enabling a mythic-sounding "laser device," but i don't believe it. that's just the cover-up, people. the truth cannot be stopped.