time has gotten by on alibis and wine

there's something about starting this space and having no idea what i'm about to say that's intriguing and tiring, all at the same time. how about this: i watch a lot of CSI. i do. i'm about halfway through the third season, and then that'll be all for now. can you imagine that? that'll be all for now. the summer is definitely coming to its close and i've had more than enough or ever-thought-would-happen epiphanies to last for a bit now, and i mark all that by how many CSI episodes i have left.

and did i mention how you can truly see someone by the words they write, sometimes?

here is something, and something i can't say yet--figure that one out, i'll give you a dollar or make you dinner, your pick--the rediscovery of family is possible. did you know? i didn't. for so many years i've been convinced that once you lose those you are comfortable with and love very much, then that, as they say, is that. and there is nothing else to be had along those lines. but as usual, that's not the truth, is it? and it breaks my heart to think that community, as a word and as an idea, is a joke now, and something we all say sardonically to one another or as some sort of magic word, is real but not believed in. or scorned. or. remember that paradox theory, and that concept, and how it is proven over and over again like the song? i mean to say: we are all very alone, i suppose, and have our unique and awesome and awe-inspiring and mysterious relationship with God, who knows us all individually, and that can be the scariest and best thing in the universe, something we couldn't even dream of. but along with that, somehow, we are also able to form some sort of.....well. you know the word that goes here, though the definition is laughed at and unknown.

all that just means, i am leaving here soon. and where i know and i don't know, one resting on faith and the other too afraid to decide. but a decision would be better, now wouldn't it? indeed.

there is a lot to do, yet.