isolation station

come on, cat, let's go try the internet, is what i said to myself today in order to drag myself out of bed. times like this, when i'm feeling very confused and overwhelmed and lonely, the bed is difficult to leave behind and even more difficult to avoid returning to. so here's the internet! imagine me sitting in a dark corner with my back up against the wall and about to order some strong tea because my throat hurts too much to talk, as the rest of the internet-attendees bustle around click-click-clicking. and there, maybe you'll have it.

i haven't felt like this in a long time, really, this particular brand of overwhelmed comes with an almost certain push for isolation among its contents, and the nutrition information is salt-and-peppered with all the usual suspects. someone i know, or used to know, would tell me i am just mourning a loss, and that it's okay to be so, and what a big loss it is! and that's true, still, isn't it? even though i won't be told this, it's still real, right? sure. okay. let's not think any more about that now.

i wonder how to put that in the food pyramid.

this sort of scared locking up of doors and pushing voices away is frustrating and ill-timed, even! i have so much to do and decide, decide, decide. did you know minnesota requires the same three exams as ohio? did you know illinois requires an extra exam? it does. it's called the multistate essay examination. and then there's washington. yes, that's what i said. i know, i know. i'm okay with being laughed at. the point is that washington requires none of that, did you know that? just their own bar exam and that's all. that sounds rather nice, doesn't it? rather simple. rather scary as all hell. we're talking five years, here! five whole years! people (all people) move away in five years. they move in five months, sometimes. so my question is, which is it going to be? three exams, four exams, or just the simple single one? it seems like a foolish question, i know. leave it up to God! will God take the exams, too? i hope so. i will need it.

is that a violation of the code of professional responsibility? Dear Ms. Loya: We are permanently banning you from the practice of law as a result of God, The LORD, taking the bar exam with you. What are you, some kind of nun? Cordially, The United States of Lawyers, LLC.

but isolation! i will break that soon, i will stop doing that soon. i will not be scared soon. i wish it was sooner than soon, even. get up and ask already, is what i say to myself, and stop cowering here in the corner of the internet.

come on now.