full up like a landfill

today, on the last day in cee-at-til, i have had a cup of coffee at the famous bellino (though i freely admit without reservation or bias that it was certainly not as good as the last two coffees i've had the pleasure of having from that fine establishment this week), sitting outside with a dog who loves without fear and two favorite favorites.

then some other things happened, like workshopping another scene from katie's film (which of course is the comic relief!) and a lunch made on the fly with leftovers (which wasn't so bad, really) and dishes done (and done). now there is a trip to the record store and then some dinner at a favorite spot and packing everything all up for the going-away time and then another game of scrabble, well-timed and for something to do other than sit while my eyes get sadder and sadder. at the table now, left alone on this nice white box, very flat and transparent, they are sad enough. i can't imagine how they will be when the time comes.

what i mean to say is: thank God for this given thing, and this other one, and the epiphany on the beach with the rocks and the blackish fine sand, and then the big decisions i have to make when i get back into that nice and quite quiet apartment with the four lanes of market outside the window and the kitchen with the stove that needs to be cleaned and cleaned but of course i will never clean it because, naturally, it'll just get dirty again! and you know, i'll have to just settle in a little and keep myself from feeling everything that waits for me and everything i left behind, and by settling i mean watching the old show or maybe driving around and stealing some cars until i am too tired to think very much before i lie down again in my nice bed. that's what i mean to say, just now.

how did this even happen?