where and when they fly i don't know

it is important to have the right music playing when you write in this space. now the right music is the innocence mission. today is a winter sunday and we wear our heavy coats. it was a lovely, beautiful day outside with not too much breeze and just a little bright, quiet enough that i could hear my steps across the parking lot with their slightly uneven rhythm and smelling so good it was hard to breathe it all in at once.

but i spent it inside a commerical bookshop with medical students talking on cell phones and to each other (can i call you back, i never took notes, where do you think this formula goes), and i asked very politely and a little sheepishly, to the girl with the tattoo of a name (hers, or someone elses?) in long, delicate script around her arm and reading the book with such a crestfallen expression: would you mind switching seats with me, please, i need the electricity in the plug at your feet, and she said, yes of course, which seat is yours? and turning, with a smile and sweeping my arm over the whole room of empty center seats, all of these are mine, and i offer them all to you for being so generous. and i drank espresso with hot milk and a little honey, and i heard an old man say to another: don't say see you later, you may come to my funeral tonight.

but before that, there was the law school and the criminal law students with their exam in two or three hours, and them finding finding finding me, i am still confused, what is the majority rule, the defense of habitation, the castle exception, what do i need to know about rape, are you studying, am i bothering you, any words of wisdom? i had figured out the rules of short-swing trading by then, you see, so i didn't mind, not really, at all.

and now! rest, or at least sleep, is in order, what with the devastator tomorrow and all and everything and anything that comes with it. you know i've had enough of this trouble following me high and low, now it can go. let me let this go, let my heart be ready, let me please. you who are unfathomably good and strong and knowing, you can do anything.

so, please. i cannot pull the leviathan in, he will not beg me for mercy, he will not speak to me with gentle words. but please.