here's a hand to lay on your open palm

lyndsey teeter nee johnson has given this journal top billing on her list. she's very kind. and extremely funny. please remember to check her out, every two weeks, right here. you won't regret it. and you should probably check it a lot more than that. make sure you check out the gold pants, in particular. check check checkitout.

so. today is sort of a slow and grey day. goodbyes are hard. i have two or three more times with the devastator left, and then that will be all spoken of in past tense. i can't remember if i've ever said goodbye to someone forever before. maybe my grandmother, my nanny, when she was very old and very sick--but that's a little different, isn't it? and maybe my mother and father, more recently, but only to what i remembered them being and wished they would be again--so that's different too. steve is gone for two years, okay, but he comes home and comes back. so. this saying goodbye is really sad and hard, the full extent of which is maybe difficult to understand without any long-term counseling experience of your own. which, naturally, i recommend, if you've ever thought about it. it's pretty easy, especially if you go to a university. and free, too!

but, right, as i was saying. goodbye forever. what do you say? how do you end it with a little bit of peace or any peace at all? is there some sort of procedure to follow, you know, where you can follow steps from a little manual: say these words, smile this way, cry this kind of crying, hug this kind of hug. and then turn on your heels and go. don't look back or you'll turn into a pillar of salt. too much crying, silly, that's where it comes from.

i kidnapped francis bear last night.

and i've been thinking about drugs. painkillers, mostly.

today there is the rest of the corporations exam outline, and a visit to the potential gala-space (which will probably be deposited for), and some nice dinner to be had, and probably some playing of a well-worn, very-good video game called final fantasy vii. times when things are very real and very sad, it's nice to have a familiar and well-worn and enjoyed thing to take comfort from. with everybody's favorite villian and almost everybody's favorite hero, an evil corporation bent on the destruction of the world through pollution (no, really), and, well. think of it like an old and good book, like spending a little time with old friends in a nice place, once lived and now remembered.

okay, okay.