suddenly, it all seems so clear

there's something about having met so many different and unusual people (and so many usuals) that makes me pick out my favorites and want to be friends. or close, or something. win their approval, is that it? a little of it, maybe. be as important to them as they are to me? indeed. that's a sure bet, right there.

right now i am finishing up a delicious stir-fry and a bottle of wine i've been waiting, patiently, to go on sale for months. finally! and until the end of the month (dry creek fume blanc, for the curious)!

i am starting to realize that the time for applying to jobs, real real real jobs, is pending. and quickly. pressing down upon me, as a matter of fact. for some reason this makes me think of what my professor said to me today: i'm tough, she said. and i said, i know. believe me, i know.

we had a good laugh about that.

there's something about wanting to connect, isn't there? about wanting to have a real and true conversation with someone you admire and respect that is so powerful it's impossible to imagine it not happening.

at the moment, i am learning what it is to live day to day. about trying not to come undone at the thought of the million things ahead, the things that seem so improbable just getting done somehow. somehow and somehow. there are three things i need to do: get a job, find a place to live, and buy a chocolate lab. just like that.