negative ghost rider, the pattern is full

tomorrow morning is my first trial. i've done one before via my trial advocacy class, but this is for real and not for fake. on the record. the direct examination of an officer on the stand, sworn in. the cross examination of a defendant, ditto. a recommendation for sentencing, if it comes to that. deliberation by the judge, and a verdict.

here's the thing. the thing is, it's just a traffic charge. two charges, if you want to be precise. my boss told me not to worry about it and to have fun with it because: "if you screw up, it doesn't matter. you don't have a child's life in your hands." this is true. she will be there, my boss. right next to me. the busiest prosecutor, little miss chief herself, will be, as she says, "my wingman." so there's that.

the other thing, though, is that i want to do my best. and i'm afraid i'll choke. figuratively. literally. i'm afraid i'll miss a question and lose the case because i did. i'm afraid i'll forget to do something, like amend the complaint on the record or be so nervous i won't take my time and mess up. and then it'll be okay, just like the chief says, but i'll feel awful. and i know i put too much pressure on myself, and it's not about.....well. it's not about the other other thing.

and the other other thing? i want to win. i do. and i know it's not about winning and losing, it's about making sure we all work together to protect rights and conduct things with integrity and compassion and with a quiet, stern voice. about using a voice which is also articulate. and about not throwing up into the court reporter's typewriter.

if you are prayin folk, please say a few lines for me. if you aren't prayin folk, you're going to hell. just kidding! oh boy, that was fun. what? it was!