what is this weariness that waits for you

today is thuuursday, a day i usually enjoy thoroughly for some reason or other. hopefully i'll enjoy this one too.

i'm tired. i feel like the work and the things i need to do are more suited for the afternoon and the evening and the nighttime rather than the early early morning. this will change soon, but for now i miss miss miss the balcony door being open and me sitting here and reading through cases and chapters, and using this here internet, and journaling in my own secret diary with the push-button lock like you get in first grade (and just a little part of this is a lie, about the lock, it's just locked in my com-pu-tor), and playing a nice relaxing game and resting during the day rather than waking up with that tiny dullness in my head and when i get home not even having time to open the balcony door because i'm just too tired and it's time to sleep.

rinse, and repeat.

but i'm glad to take this class, and i can't imagine just trying a case with absolutely no test-run or anything, and i'm glad of the unusual trust and sort of weird bond that develops between a small group of people when they are together for a week at a time, all day, doing scary things all together. it's been nice. and today i will give a closing with no notes, and all from my brain, and for the first time in front of others, and it'll be okay.

i can't wait to come back home. the bed is always more comfortable when you want to stay in it.