did you did you

i've been away. and for that i am sorry. forgive me for that, yes? well. i'll let you think about it for a bit.

i've been studying for the bar exam. will an explanation help? or will it just give rise to that sort of passing nod you get when you finally explain why that person you work with is so weird to talk to. why you get a little uncomfortable when you're in the elevator alone with them. why you feel guilty when you come up with an excuse to leave the breakroom as soon as you came. that nod.

i read your journal, your description, and i cried all the way down my face and to my chin that's my mother's, really, and not mine. though i'm working on deciding whether i want it to be my own or hers, you know. how much of my face do i want to be my own, is it the whole of it or just some parts, the good parts or the ill, the ones that are so readily identifiable?

but i did. right down to the chin. right at first because you didn't tell me like that, but that was the selfish part of it. and then mostly because i know exactly how that is, talking about leaving and going going.

you know, i feel mostly ashamed of how i feel, writing about my family and about when i cry this or that time. i write all that shame out here now, and then it's done and over with.

the product of too much life and so little blog.