it goes a little something like this

whew. today i consumed more ham and delicious potato salad (yes, even with the eggs) than i ever have in my life. so much that i had to lie down and take the traditional holiday nap (see: christmas, thanksgiving). but no coffee yet--that will happen so soon. i will relish every drop. yum. maybe sooner than i think.

so far, blogger has been very welcoming. posting is just like writing an email, the comments are very nice (oh yes, and i'm so glad that you are the very first poster, kt. congratulations on winning that game. and of course, madame teeter, i'm also very glad we've met, well said), and editing the template is a snap! the question is: will i miss diaryland? maybe. i think, do i have to change the way i write in this thing if this is now truly a "blog" and not a diary? is there really any difference at all? i mean i could use this for a specific purpose, but i can't think of what that would be (similarly, maybe the future of monsterbear could be that way if necessary, but again--what purpose?) at the moment. nor can i (stop) (using) (parentheses).

i am calling steve today at his request. it will be early in the morning there, and that scary voice will answer just like it always does. if i don't keep my eyes open when i call, it's like i'm calling him in some prison. eek.

i've been feeling far away from God lately. sort of. maybe that's not exactly how it is. i feel....what? nothing maybe? more like, i have a relationship with God in my head--i can still think of the long history between he and i, where i have felt (and in some cases been) abandoned and lost, scattered and without a way to live, and he answers my prayers and comes to my aid, puts these amazing people in my life all of a sudden or bang, like that, i am able to figure out a way to relax or rest or work. i can still think of, speaking of the people, how God talks to me and gives me the opportunity to serve him through my relationships here--how unusual it is the way perfect strangers somehow feel the need to interact with me, talk and ask questions, in places like the grocery or the gas station or the movie store.

i can still think of all that, and other things too--the more precise, exact spiritual lessons and verses and miracles--but feeling it has been harder lately. hmm more comfortable, in a weird way, less.....stunning, less awe, more a part of my head and how it works. but then, less true somehow? or if not less true, less strong--weaker, yes, most definitely. in a strange way. so i don't know if it's that i'm feeling far away from God. something, but maybe not that. maybe my feelings about God are far away. yeh? i don't know.

it's funny because my prayers have been answered regarding various struggles in my life, 1 2 3 like that (particularly immediate too, as of late), but i think "of course they have" rather than filled with the sort of thanksgiving i wish i felt, or thought. and now i hear the faint strains of that top ten hit, "the law of undulation" coming over the airwaves and into my brain. what a catchy tune. and on easter no less! the irony is delicious. like sweet pickles.